Can you feel it? That ball of frustration in the pit of your stomach, the tension headache is looming and your neck is all crooked and shoulders tight. Your wound up, you have too much to do. But guess who wrote your to-do list… You did.
A lot of us have this daft inability to say “No”. This means that the task that someone else needs doing or doesn’t want to do themselves, goes onto your ever-growing list of things to do, and you let it happen.
But think about it, if the person who gave you that task to do is capable of doing that task themselves and you can see that they have time and headspace to do it – then say no, you are not a slave, you do not have to do everything.
This goes for your work colleagues, your partner and even your kids. You are not the person that does all the jobs, including the yucky ones.
Often we just carry on and do everything, we don’t ask for help, we just get on with it because your mindset says that “well no one else will do it” or even worse “no one can do that job as well as me, so I’ll just do it myself”. I hate to tell you this, but you have become a control freak who does far too much on your own. But what if your load could be shared, your to-do list would shrink? Sounds appealing right?
Take note: If you have other humans around you who are capable and can help then ask them for a hand. By not asking for help you are doing 2 things.
- You are raising the expectation of the people around you so they know that if something needs to be done, they can just dump tasks onto you time and time again because you’ll control it all – right?
- You are growing yourself a hedge full of resentment plants that create barriers all around you. You grow your own inescapable maze.
If you are one of those people who think that only you can do the job properly then you have some internal change work to do, or you’d better get used to being everyone’s slave for the rest of your life. It’s all very well taking control of a task, but taking control of all of the tasks is just plain dumb. Stop it or you’ll kill yourself with stress.
When you do eventually ask for help, be careful not to be that person who micromanages the task (or you may as well just bloody do the thing yourself). If the person who you have enlisted to help you is capable, let them get on with it, without fear of not doing it to your standards. Micromanaging creates fear, it destroys autonomy and creates heavy hearts. Then people who could help you, don’t want to help you because of their fear of your judgement.
So share your load, but don’t micromanage. You’ll feel less burdened and supported by people who surround you. But if someone does help you, don’t forget to thank them, most of us just want to be thanked for the things we do. It’ll teach that person that actually you would like to be thanked too.
Grow a set, stand up for yourself and say no to some of these tasks, ask for help and let people help you in their way, be less of a control freak, have more acceptance and then don’t forget to say thanks. It’s simple really, or just don’t whine when your headache turns into a migraine or you get sick because of stress. You’ve been warned…
#unpacking #byangiehammond #angietheunpacker #controlfreak #justsayno #todolist
