Are you devaluing your own self belief?

The story that we tell ourselves about what is right and wrong, or what we can and cannot do carve out our behaviours and determine our actions. This clearly illustrates the value we put on ourselves and showcases what we want other people to value in us. So I’d say it’s pretty important to get a firm grasp on what your self-belief system is made up of and quite possibly re-evaluate that – and fast.

We go through life experiencing our world in our own unique ways, no journey is the same and that’s great, but we do have similar paths and our experiences can be compared. You know after I wrote my book “Unpacking” I have met so many other people who say to me “Oh it’s like you were writing about my life” and that’s because like it or not, we do meander down a couple of tracks together. Whether or not we all reach the same conclusions is open for discussion.

What our experiences do, however unique or similar they are, is that they solidify what we believe about ourselves and the world that we see around us. Without even thinking about it this crafts our self-belief system in ourselves and our belief in others.

Our trust in ourselves and others comes from how we have interacted with our world and the people in it and how they have reacted to us. Our ability to get on and action tasks and execute them well comes from how we may have interacted with a task, space or person in the past. Sometimes we don’t even try because we believe we can’t, or we had a bad experience the last time, so now – it’s off the cards for good. Result: Your self-belief is low and you just devalued yourself.

The sheer act of “trying” swerves our self-belief system into a different realm and these new stories we then tell ourselves – evolve. This means you are no longer afraid to have a go at that thing you always wanted to do – because you know that you have done it (or had another go at it) and now you believe you can do it. What is important is that we understand that we aren’t born knowing how to do shit, we have to learn. Having a go and believing that its ok to try, even if you don’t get it right, allows us to build rigidity into the belief we have in ourselves and makes us so much stronger as humans.

We all make excuses about what we cannot do mostly because we “think” we can’t do it. You know a few years back I was 80+kgs and pretty much depressed (on the inside). I would make excuses as to why I couldn’t train, I always wanted to be fitter and had been much thinner and fitter years before, but I let myself go, kids came, beer came, laziness came.

My excuses were numerous – I had the kids to look after, I had too much work on, something on my body hurt and so it was too hard, blah blah blah and so my self-belief was at an all-time low. I believed I couldn’t do it, I also believed that somehow I shouldn’t be doing something for myself and that I needed to be the one to be there for the kids and that my clients absolutely had to have whatever marketing thing I was working on at that particular moment as fast as humanly possible. My excuses were tumbling out of me at a rate of knots, I was my own worst enemy. Then I woke up.

After a core shocking few years, I have re-evaluated myself and my abilities and I started to try. I packed away the disbelief in what I couldn’t do and just had a go and as a result, I found out that, actually I could and I could do anything I wanted (if I put my mind to it).

My values about my life, what I want, who I am and where I am going have morphed. My self-belief in my abilities and skills have improved and continue to evolve daily.

As an example over the past 12 months this is what I have achieved:

• August – Started to truly believe in myself and let go of my old baggage
• December – Completed my 1st 70.3 Ironman in Western Australia
• February – Completed my 1st Hell of the West Triathlon (ITU long distance)
• March – Completed my 2nd 70.3 Ironman in Taupo, NZ
• May – Published my First Book – Unpacking (see below for more details)
• 4th August – Ran my first Full Marathon (see finishing pic)
• August – Launched my first Unpacking Mentoring Workshop

We can all re-evaluate what we think about ourselves, our abilities and where we fit in. We can rewrite our paths and jump off of the track if the undulation is making you sore.

Humans are incredible, we have the ability to shape-shift, mindset shift and totally reinvent ourselves and all it takes is gumption. You have it – its sitting dormant deep inside of you – but it is there. 

I have a firm belief that if we are not 100% ok with ourselves then how in the hell do you think you are going to fair with the other people in your life? Do you think that you are being the best version of yourself? Do you interact with people with humility, courage, respect and care? Whether you are a parent, daughter, son, wife, husband, sister, brother, friend, boss or co-worker we have varying relationships with other humans. Our ability to connect on different levels with these other humans is important, communication is important, the story you tell others to believe about you – is important.

So when you devalue yourself, you are devaluing yourself to all of those people too. When you say “I’m not good enough”, “I can’t do that”, “I’ll never be able to do that”, “It’s not what I’m good at” and all those bloody excuses you are making about yourself, guess what – you are telling that to all of those people too, so you know what they do – they believe you.

If everyone thinks what you tell them to think then, of course, no one will expect you to have a go, you’ll just always be that person who “doesn’t do that thing” not because you can’t, because you won’t try. The value you put on yourself is low.

You can change this though, as you can see, I have done it so I know you can too.

How do you do it?

1. You take a good look at why you think you can’t do something – write it down (it is more confronting)
2. Assess how much you want to have a go at this thing you are putting off (scale 1 – 10)
3. Then re-read your list, if you are not doing something that is scaled 8, 9 or 10 because of what other people will think of you then just ask yourself what those people think of you now…can that be improved?

Ask yourself – Why are you letting someone else’s opinion rule your world?

You know what I say. Everyone has an opinion, just like everyone has an arsehole. I don’t need to view their arsehole and nor do I need to view or hear their opinion and I certainly don’t need to take it on board. I sometimes think we get waaaay too caught up in the opinions of other humans. You know they are more than likely not doing things they want to do too because of the story they tell themselves about what they think they can and can’t do – we are all the same, we all have these experiences just our lesson comes in different forms.

If you think people will laugh at you for having a go – you are wrong, they will applaud you – verbally and loudly.

Shame is debilitating. Don’t let someone else’s preconceived ideas of who you are stop you in your tracks. You know most people will think what they think of you based on what you have told them anyway, so change the narrative.

Then get up and go do that thing you want to do
Apply for the job, submit the application to do that course, join the gym, run the race, do the triathlon, put your swimsuit on and go to the beach, write the book, get on a plane and go see that place, make the food, dance at the party, whatever it is that you want to do that you think you shouldn’t, can’t or are not good enough to do

Once you realise you can – your values will alter, your self-belief system will grow and you will become more fulfilled.

If you run a business and your self-belief system is cactus, why should your team believe in you and your business? You have to instil good values in yourself and then apply those values of “I can do it” to the team so the team believes that “we can do it”. It’s the only way you will develop a culture of cohesive happy workers. You know what will happen as a result – your business will bloom, customer service will improve and loyalty will reign both with your customer base and your team. So instead of making a barrage of excuses as to why you can’t possibly do something for yourself, get up and get on with it.

Lead by example and enjoy the journey

Your Values – What do you believe about yourself and does your belief about your values affect your business?
Your Skills – What are you good and bad at and why do you think you cannot do that thing you want to?

I have just launched a new “Unpacking” workshop for people who want to run better businesses with a better version of themselves.

It is taking place on The Sunshine Coast in September. We will discuss values and skills and what is holding you back. It’ll be a heap of fun and you’ll walk away with a head full of ideas, inspiration and self belief. Come joins us…

Event info on this link