For a few months, I’ve been feeling a little flat and lost…
No real reason to be honest. Feels like a change is brewing with my career, I can feel it and I can smell it. It’s like I’ve done the work but waiting for the time is right to take the short leap to the summit (and it is so close I can see it) is just about here, but something is stopping me.
It’s OK, I know what it is, I actually know who it is and I know what to do about it as well. I just haven’t done it. Why?
It is a bloody good question.
See, for my entire life, “I” have been the eternal blockage to whatever I have wanted to do. I stop myself with excuses and I tell myself stories about why I shouldn’t, couldn’t and can’t do these things. It’s all utter Bulls**t.
So what is my problem? Well, I wrote this book – Unpacking, it’s very revealing, it is all about me and who I am and the mistakes I have made, along with the lessons I’ve learnt. I really want to take this book to the world and you know, it’s slowly happening. In October the book will be amongst a few thousand others being showcased at the renowned Frankfurt Book Fair. I have been interviewed on a podcast and have another coming up, the local press is starting to enquire about it and I have had a bunch of amazing reviews from a heap of people who all resonate with my stories. In short, the book is being really well received. I am proud of that. But I’m still hesitant even though it is published and being absorbed…
See, I think my problem is three-fold.
1. I am possibly the most impatient creature I have ever met and it takes time for people to read books, then reviews to be read and other people to decide that reading that book might be a good idea too. It’s a slow burn.
2. My internal dialogue (even when completely unpacked) still shouts “you’re not good enough” you don’t know enough about human behaviour to discuss these topics well enough for people pay to listen to you Angie”
3. This is the biggie, I have a debilitating fear of judgement, even though I profess not to care about anyone’s opinions – I totally do.
So what does this do? Well, it stops me in my tracks.
I’ve spent some time working out what it is that I think Im not good enough at. Did you know, I actually struggled to think of exactly what it is that I can’t do. I can do everything I want to do, there is honestly nothing I can think of in my way (money perhaps is a bit of a roadblock, but it is not the main cause of the pause). How funny is that – nothing is actually stopping me, except my own self defeatist behaviour. Idiot!
Turns out that actually I do know quite a lot about human behaviour, how people react, why they behave in certain ways, I know how to reverse an attitude and I know how to turn a negative into a positive. I get gratefulness ad manifestation and I have a book full of stories that relate to all of these situations that I can articulate it in writing and verbally on stage (which I enjoy and am really good at). So if you ask me, that is enough to fill several books, lecture theatres and conference rooms for many years on end.
I know that this book will sell, I know that once it gets the press it needs and once people start to rave about it, attend my events and my social presence grows it will all cascade. So in time Unpacking will work and it will forge my career path into mentoring and speaking (which is what I actually want to do).
Which leaves us with fear. Fear is the one thing that is holding me back. This makes me think of my husband. His mantra is “Don’t let fear hold you back.” It’s something he has instilled in our two boys as well. But fear is holding me back. Why?
Well, the fact that I reveal my true self in my book and the thought of everyone’s judgement is a little confronting but I chose to write about these things, I chose to tell the story of my life and scribe about the fact that I was stupid enough to go down the path of infidelity. (buy the book if you want more on that). I hate the fact that I am worried about other humans and their opinion of me. Seriously I have a few (like a handful) of good mates whose opinion I value, the rest of the world – not sure I care. The theory is there but the practice of jumping off that ledge and testing that theory is harder…
But what can I do, I can choose to let fear consume me and stop me in my tracks or I can get on with it and sit on the front seat of the rollercoaster and go for a ride…
So I choose to rid myself of these feelings.
- The book is out there
- I am good enough, in fact I am more than enough, Im incredible!
- There is nothing to fear – front seat here I come!
So here’s how I am moving on from being stuck, and you can do it too when you feel stuck.
Become your own analyst
Make a list of what you think is holding you back
My paper had fear and money on it – nothing else to report
Clean the slate
I sat at my desk looking at all of the piles of paper I had collected from my marketing clients. It was making me feel like I had so much to do. In fact, it was all old crap from clients I stopped servicing eons ago. It looms in the corner of my desk and makes it look busy and dark. So in order to make space for new experiences, new opportunities and the change I am seeking I got rid of it all.
Now I have a clear desk, all the crap is in the bin, the rest is filed and my desk is bright and airy and much clearer (as is my mind).
Now I feel like I have a better mindset to kickstart the next week and I have visual space to watch it grow.
Sometimes you have to clean your slate to allow space for new things to arrive.
So now there is no fear
You all know my greatest mistake – judge away
I couldn’t care what anyone thinks about me – Im over my own guilt FFS
Now its time to take the bull by the horns and get on with being Angie – The Unpacker
Next thing I need to do is send more of my books out to get some press, go and network and stop being scared of getting out there to talk about “Unpacking”. I need to stop hiding behind the guise of being Angie owner of Garnish Marketing and be Angie – The Unpacker. I need to get interviews, speaking gigs and flaunt myself like a hooker on speed (without the sex or drugs…). Im going to do it. If I want this I have to do it, otherwise, I should just shut up and get on with life as it is currently playing out.
So if you like this, you resonate with it and you agree with me, Im going to ask you to do me a huge favour and please like me on Instagram, like me on Facebook, comment on my blogs, share my stories, buy my book, join me at my events, start conversations, unpack yourself, be part of the unpacking revolution.
Let’s Unpack and create our own Clean Slates.
